not sure anymore

the worst possible feeling, for me, is uncertainty
i am a person of conviction
strong words
and assuredness.
right now, i do not believe the above statement,
and it's all for nothing.
well, that is to say, i can't think of the thing it's for.

that's what hurts right now, the unknown. it's not necessary, is all.
i've put myself out on this planck, not wanting to take that step, of course,
but i do. i do because if the ship is light enough to stay afloat
post departure, i'll be saved, too.

i've never had streams on my face when trying so
hard not to have them. strange feeling, really.
i mean, if i refused them in days past, they stayed put.
if i let them out, no holds barred.

i truly dislike cold rooms on sunny days,
especially when the true mercury is unaffected.
chills from the inside, Ice-9, so to speak.

i'm starting today, a new series of self-improvements.
the first is to rebuild a wall that i allowed to be toppled.
East Berlin, I've missed You.