who woulda thought?

that i'd be here now.

in happy places, doing ok things?

who woulda thought?

not me. but probably you. and you. and them. and they.

maybe it's a blessing that i am the only one who can fully appreciate my health in mind body and soul right now. even as i sit here in the most offensive mood i can imagine in my state, i am healthy. and coping. and ok.

and ok.

i know now, that this is my life to live, and it is every bit as important as yours. and his. and theirs. and ours. because i will leave some of me with him and you and them and us and everyone that i value above myself.
i no longer place bets. put value. quantify.

even if i am not fulfilling every inch of my abilities. if i am unwilling to do more...right now.
it is ok. because sooner than later, i will give it all back. i am always giving it back. in the pieces of me that i give to each of you and us and the world, i am being of service. i am forever in service. to the duty of us. there will die no individual without a piece of them left in each they touch. and i am no different.

i recognize that now.
and i thank the powers that be, in body and soul, for pushing me towards the realization-- the realization that i being me and you being you, is more power to the people than any charity dollar that i cursed myself for not giving could possibly be.