...

title says it all they say
i believe it today
___________


[listen to them you always have]
always will with those fresh eyes you claim to see through
i see through those eyes, though, see right through you
wish you knew how far i can look inside of you how much i know you
more than you know
you've never asked yourself why
what
where
who
i've asked your eyes those things
and i know the answers
not from those eyes or even from what's behind
but because of what i feel when i look through them
because when i look through them
all i see is myself
and i know me
[as well as you know you]


tell me truthfully
do you see you when you look into me?
i hope you do, because i feel you. i think you're up there. making my every move.
outdoing me with every step overtaking my determined path to throw me onto yours.
i don't seem to mind, however, as you may well see right now as i call you out.
knock on my door and see you answer. i'll turn my blinder on. pretend i don't know. i'll let you stay. for days. months. years? why, if you like, my dear.
you've already taken over my body my soul why not take permanent residence? i can see no reason why not my strength is tapped my will is yours will it please you will it make you smile? if yes, yes. if no? how? can i get you a cup of tea? are you warm up there? in here? in my mind? my heart? my everything? how can i make you more comfortable? oh. oh. i know! ...
...
i'll gut myself. i'll purge. i'll binge on the love you once gave me and purge. why? i'll know once again that it's not mine to possess. repeat. repeat. refuckingpeat. does it make you more comfortable? now that you have the control? i know. i had it then. i was on top in this flipflop game of power. and you're taking it all back in one violent show of dominance. reclaim your independence! take it and run! no. don't run! stay here! mindfuck me mindfuck me! thank you. that feels good. anything else i can do for you, my one and only all consuming undying love? oh. one more thing. i've wrapped it just for you with silk ribbons and a card made by hand. ask kurt cobain he'll explain better. i was never one for words. maybe that's what killed us. goodnight my love. i'll be sleepless with my sorrow and you will have your own new love...and mine.
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[sometimes i don't know where these things come from. i am not experiencing that scenario now. but i begin to type and i get angry for anyone who's ever felt it. and i become them. and i could go all day. being them. goal in life: a mind trade. i can't pick the person, that is too difficult. plus, none of us have a clue about our relation's minds. we are all so drowned by impression at this stage that we forget how apart we ourselves are from the impressions we give to others. and no. i'm not the only one who is tricky tricky. nor are you, my dear friend. we are all here to play this funny and frightening game of who thinks what and who did what and who am i if you aren't you? so. any mind will do. i like surprises. wanna trade?]