gnikaeps sdrawkcab

can't seem to just spit it all out and lay it all out on the table, can we? first, as the guide tells us, we must mix things up in our own minds. let it settle. go back and confuse the hell out of it one more time, repeat repeat now repeat that step. slowly sift through the overexamined everything and begin to understand something. then one more thing. and another. suddenly, and with a jolt of heart-piercing truth, we discover what it is that we believe. and feel. and know. and it begins to hurt. ache. and save, consume, wrap itself around us until we are decapacitated in every other light. but we let it and we love it and we know it and we hate it and we feel it and we wish it away but could never will it away. now it's that resting point when all-encompassed by this thing describes us best. let it sit. mingle. then decide. what to do with it? make it go away? impossible? catalyze a session of soul-bearing truth? we all know that's ne'er impossible in this place. with these interactions we force ourselves into. what if we did? bear all. tell all. transparent exposure is the advice we all receive. but what if it backfires and a body mangled in hate and despair is all that survives the crash? if there's a possibility, it's too risky to try. so we sit with this hurt and anger and mistrust and we know only ourselves and others know only themselves but only half because the other half if the us that reveals the known half to all. that extrovert waiting to be discovered. that honesty that creates a new soul. who knows? i don't. clearly. my advice is never that which i follow. my head is never on course with that beating thing that matters more. so i'll sit here and type at this overused keyboard and i'll wonder where to go next and i'll never find the answer but i'll pretend that i have it all figured out tomorrow. and the next day. and when you ask me, i won't tell, see above, i'll deny and i'll lie and i'll curse myself for it at the end of the day. but i will do one thing. protect this shell and protect the me that i present to you. and maybe that's enough to contain the throbbing pain. we'll see.