blind in one eye

we are all blind in one eye.
for most, however, this is not a physical fact, but a subconscious choice.
how can a choice be subconscious? you ask me
i suppose i'll throw you now into the loophole i've created for this problem.
it's retroactive. each of us with a mind, a heart, a will that is good discover this blind eye at least once in our lives. we realize, we guilt, we wonder, we hate ourselves because of it. we see it not with the other eye, which would be a feat among feats, i'm sure you can imagine, but with our emotion. we realize that we have turned off that part of us that really and truly and desperately cares.

that eye we don't look through sees the pain of those we have never encountered. the poor man endlessly and unsuccessfully ASKING with no pride left to hold on to to PLEASE allow him to work so that he can feed his children. this eye sees him turned away, defeated, degraded, time. after time. after time.

this eye i speak of sees the mother of three living in a shelter because yes. her boyfriend thought of her body. as something. to own. and their bodies. as something. to own.

it sees en masse children of a darker skin than mine with bellies too big and arms too small to seem real. their smiles when somebody hands them a piece of candy. their tears when nobody can help them when they hurt.

it sees children with a lighter skin than mine in the same situation. across a sea, a desert, a world apart. they are not a world apart.

this eye sees a fourteen-year old boy from chicago who can't seem to face the world today. it's sunny and 75 but he's locked himself in the room that he thinks of as his only safe place. nobody has noticed the burns on his arms. he's never let anybody see him cry. but this eye that we've blinded sees it. it. that eye. always sees him cry.

it sees the twenty-something tranny woman who can't go on one. more. goddamn. day. because her boss refuses. to recognize her. as her. her family refuses. REFUSES. to see her. as HER. it sees her run away. kill the pain. kill the pain everyday. but she is still cold. she is still lonely.

the eye we've turned off. sees everything. that we would rather it not. and when we notice that we have it. we see through it for the first time. and feel what it feels every day. ...
we want to help. change. act. activate. voice. yell. shout. scream. be heard. help those that our eye catches be heard. we want to cry for them hold them feel them need them. we know that we can help. someway. somehow. though it will never be enough. so we make a plan we rise up in our idea of ourselves for the bettering of lives of others. we are ready. solid. firm in our beliefs. we've seen through that eye. and we won't take it anymore.

we cry ourselves to sleep thinking about what we've seen...
we close our eyes...
and in the morning. that eye.
is blind again.

blind.