i wish you could see into my mind

i wish you could see into my mind

so i wouldn't have to show it to you
i wish that i never had to speak a word
to make you realize that it's you
that makes me smile
everytime i smile

you that i laugh at when another tells a joke
you i hug when it's her
you i talk about when i rave about time well spent

but i'll never use your name
i'll never give it away
because i'm scared
as scared as the word allows in itself

i fear that i'm wrong
that i'll change my heart after i tell my story
that you'll disagree with every notion
that the connection that i feel
that i know
will be broken and i can live no longer with the idea of us
nor on the false string i've tied between us
i've learned how to walk the tightrope
would you meet me in the middle?
of course not.
life would not be so forgiving
so kind
so i'll keep my smiles for you, and
i'll give them to everyone, but with your name silently attached
but will never speak of it
to you
to them
or to myself