can YOU hear it?

what i am trying to say to you?
they haven't created words yet to say it, but i'm trying to invent them in the midst of this
it's not as easy as you would imagine. most are taken and misused and misplaced and thrown around as if they were created to be used as such.

hmm. so much to say sitting by myself wondering: if i were a different person... the one i imagine myself to be... would i be happier? better? smarter, kinder, faster? no. well, maybe. but the things that i would never give up would be gone, i am sure of it. we all give. we all take. that's the beauty of the balance that we live in. you are kind so that i may show you to be so. i am thoughtful because another thinks little. it's perfect. so perfect. only so much to go around, to give, to impress upon, in this world, and somehow, we give enough to some that they show us true beauty, they show us who we wish to be, they show us the us we would like to become. it's that energy, that goal, that drive, that makes the world go. and allows us to always know- that what we are doing, who we are helping, what we see- is never enough.

i wonder, as do you, i suppose. about many things. but today- families. would i be more successful now if my successes in earlier times were noticed? i claim to have done it all for myself but i doubt that now. everything. everything. was a ploy. a way. to get in there. to be loved a little bit more to be appreciated a little bit more to show them that i could that if i could anyone could and it was all for me me me. no it wasnt. it was for them. maybe for the greater them. i don't know what it was for. but i know it plays a part in the me now that says enough enough enough. because i am doing it for only me now. and. well.

i don't have to prove myself to me. i know what i am capable of. will i ever show them?

thai time.
shukran wa salam.

more later. tip of today's world.